Some women believe that increased attention to a man once again proves feelings. However, representatives of the stronger sex try to avoid intrusive women, and there are several reasons for this. At least because there are many clingy relationship problems.
If a woman has strong feelings, she wants to spend more time next to her loved one, show romantic gestures and receive certain feedback. But many women do not realize that it is difficult for men to tolerate obsessed women. If you are worried that you may deal with this particular kind of girlfriends, we will try to help you detect them for sure as well as explain how to act in our today’s article.
Clinginess in a Relationship – What Differs It from Strong Affection?
Obsession is not a frequent problem of girls, but still, it occurs and always leads to disastrous consequences because by nature, a man is still a hunter and when you try to take him under control from all sides and do it persistently, he does not like it. What is clingy in a relationship definition? It is not about when you sometimes text your partner first or offer some kind of event, taking initiative, in turn, it is normal and even good. Do not be afraid to call first, be interested in how he is doing, ask somewhere on the weekend and so on. You become obsessive if you seek the attention of a man and continue to write, ask questions and demand communication even though he reacts coldly or is busy. Also, a man will feel bored with you and want to rest if you are being extra, if you are always free, talk a lot and are too open with him. You don't need to do this, it will only lower your rating in the eyes of a man, and he will want to distance himself, even more, turn to a single ladies' site and find a new less clingy woman there.
Now let's understand where the desire to impose yourself comes from. What causes clinginess in a relationship? The answer is that clingy relationship signs mean a lack of attention, communication with men, affairs, hobbies and so on. In a word, when your life is not bright enough, and you begin to stick to a person. Ideally, the man should try to catch a woman between her doing business, meetings, hobbies, friends and hanging out with girlfriends. Remember also that it is useful for a woman to have fans both at work and in correspondence. It is about nice, non-binding conversations on the street. When a woman maintains the energy of saturation with life and male attention around her, the man will be interested in such a person and want to see her more and more.
If you are in doubt whether you truly love someone or your feelings have grown into toxic obsession, these are some of the signs of clingy behavior.
You are ready to sacrifice everything to please your partner. If your appearance, behavior or habits do not satisfy them, you change your personal features and willingly make sacrifices only to make someone else happy with you. You may be afraid of what they require from you, it causes you internal discomfort, but you will do anything for fear that, otherwise, your partner will leave you.
You literally "cling" to your partner. When you are near them, you can behave too intrusively: you need to know everything about how they feel and what they are thinking about. You constantly struggle for their attention, even in those moments when it is completely inappropriate. Also, you intend to do everything to keep them in a relationship with you.
You cannot accept loneliness. The pain of not having a partner near you scares you much more than an unhappy relationship. You are ready to date and live with any person, just not to be alone. You attract all your strength and time to find a partner. In those moments when you are not in a relationship with anyone, you muffle the unbearable feelings that loneliness provokes, you can end up even having sex with someone random or sink in fantasies to escape from reality.
Why Clinginess Is Toxic
Usually, partners need different amounts of communication with each other: one needs to see each day, constantly talk on the phone and read endless messages from a loved one, the other has a need to spend some part of their free time with friends or alone. Being alone with yourself may be necessary not only to "take a test" from a partner but often to think about how you really feel in the absence of a loved one, to sincerely admire them again, to dream. Indeed, it is at such moments that one can experience the strongest feelings! Therefore, separation strengthens relationships when a person has a need for it.
Such a desire does not indicate that one partner does not like or ignores the other, in anticipation of the initiative is coming from them. It’s just sometimes necessary for a man to be alone, do his own thing, communicate with other people not to think one day "oh my god, my girlfriend is clingy!" All people are different, and if the needs of a loved one differ from ours; we have no right to blame them. No one is able to get rid of their needs.
Aspiring to frequent contacts with a partner, a person often thinks about their need for a frequency of communication with the other half, while not taking into account the needs of the partner, which may differ from your own. The obsession with someone makes matters only worse. Of course, worse for you both. Not considering the needs of the person near you, you may face the fact that it is difficult for them to spend so much time with you, and they may choose to end this relationship.
So, thinking only about your need in a partner and forcing them to meet you even if they do not feel right, do not have time or desire, as well as wanting to know every little bit of their life and what is going inside their head are all being too clingy in a relationship examples. Such behavior is toxic and manipulative because only one person wins while the other one feels manipulated or uncomfortable. You should avoid imposing yourself too much and always respect the personal boundaries of a partner to maintain healthy love.
How to Know If My Girlfriend Is Clingy? Here Are 7 Signs
Many women avoid taking the initiative in communicating with men, fearing to appear intrusive. But there is a difference between expressing affection, being confident and just clingy. So, here are the sings of the last.
1. Forcing the events
Of course, fast-developing romances happen: a man and a woman met in the morning, spent the first night together, and remained together for the rest of their lives. Wedding, children, long years of happiness. But usually, relationships develop gradually. The "candy-bouquet" period was invented so that the lovers could get to know each other better. Understand whether they match each other to live together. To marry and have children.
What is a clingy person? A girl behaves as if she is already sure in advance that the man she has chosen is “the one” — the best, the one and only and most suitable. Therefore, she accelerates the development of events by any possible means, if only to change the status of “new acquaintance” to “girlfriend,” and even better to “wife.”
2. Not noticing the man’s response
The woman that is overly obsessed with her boyfriend does not notice the absence of "reciprocal steps" on his part. Or she takes insignificant details as signs of attention - a casual look and the question “how are you?” asked exclusively out of politeness. All because she perceives a man as an object, a goal, and not as a person. Of course, there are men who like assertive women. But, as a rule, they choose timid, shy and indecisive ladies. And it is in the future life together that such women feel their power, are safe behind the back of the partner and can behave more confidently. While a man who is used to taking the initiative into his own hands is most likely just afraid of a woman who does not notice that he is actually not even interested in her.
3. Acting inappropriately
Ideally, for dating and flirting, there should be a suitable time and place: a bar, club, a personal meeting, party with friends. The female showing clingy girlfriend signs are not very sensitive to these details. She can flirt only with body language and show her feminine interest in every way possible, making others feel awkward. For example, flirting with the boss at a meeting and in the presence of colleagues. Significantly exchanging glances with one of the important partners at a business meeting.
How do normal women behave? They show great flexibility in communication: they can build a dialogue in a friendly, business or romantic manner, easily switching from one to another. Because they understand when flirting is appropriate and when a man answers back.
4. Filling the whole space in a relationship
The initiative always comes from her, she decides on the plans for the vacation, speaks the loudest, gives commands to the partner and rarely asks what he wants. She is like gas, seeking to fill the entire volume provided to her, leaving no room for a partner.
How do ordinary women behave? They understand that in a relationship, there should be a place for both and find an opportunity to organize it. Of course, women are more sociable. Because for them, communication is about expression and strengthening of emotional closeness. But for men, this is mainly the way to pass information. Nevertheless, attentive and sensitive women are interested in dialogue, not a monologue. Just because the man himself is interesting, and not the fact of his presence nearby.
5. Total control
Since initially a female showing signs of clinginess in a relationship builds an unequal union with a man (unconsciously considering him to be an object, and not a subject endowed with will), she has a lot of control. Such a woman will closely monitor her partner, knowing about all his plans and understanding all their affairs because she cannot allow him to break out of her claws. Therefore, she will be jealous, torment the man with suspicious questions and generally try to spend all the time near the object. To keep track of what he is doing, eating, thinking, where he goes and when he is going to turn back.
Normal women trust their men, respect their personal boundaries and try not to violate them as they would not like to have the limits of their personal space violated.
6. Bothering a man with constant calls
The attention of a woman gives a man pleasure only if it is in moderation. If a woman is calling for any reason, the male may get tired of such constant manifestations of attention. Constantly reminding yourself is a sign of clinginess in a relationship. Spending time on useless conversations means the person doesn’t have other interests apart from her beloved one, and as soon she gets bored, she may call him to get attention. This is about treating the other person like the object to amuse you and satisfy your needs whenever you feel slightly sad or tired. Let the man miss you, and then in time, he will want to call and chat with you.
7. Spending all the time together
The man should take part in deciding about the plans for the couple and, most importantly, for himself and not just agree to what the girl has prepared for him. And random meetings or accidental plans are always the best. While the clingy woman makes the decision for you, she tells you what to do and where to go. Taking you for shopping with her even if you hate doing this, forbidding you to meet with friends because she has bought tickets for an event without asking you whether you even want to go there. She cannot even imagine spending time apart because she treats you as her property, and the clinginess manifests itself in the constant desire to control your leisure by binding it with her. Those are all the effects of the person’s fear of loneliness and jealousy. How can she allow you to go out with your friends when this means she will not be able to control you? Of course, this is unacceptable for her.
How to Deal with a Clingy Girlfriend Without Ruining Your Relationships?
We know that treating people with an obsession over you is quite hard because they do not understand your hints. Even when you give them feedback about how you would like to have more personal space or frankly say that there is too much of them in your life, they do not get it or pretend not to get what you are explaining. You do not want to hurt them and choose many ways of expressing your mind because you may still love your partner. The problem doesn’t lie in them but in their behavior, and if they gave you more personal space, you would feel happier with them. How to deal with a clingy girlfriend after all? Here are some approaches to such a situation.
Speak your mind
If you do not even respond to your beloved when they try to contact you because you are tired of their obsession, do not be silent at such moments, but, for example, write them that you are busy and cannot talk as for now. You can agree that they will perceive this as a signal that it is time to shut up and will not be offended by such a “key” phrase. So, they will always know about the desire and unwillingness of their partner to communicate at a certain point in time. If they see how frequently you miss them, they will change the tactics of their behavior and approach you only when you are both interested in spending some time together.
Do not fear to offend them
Obsessive people may have a dull sense of the border: they may not distinguish you as a self-valuable unit, but simply pour out their feelings and thoughts outside, using you as a free resource of attention. You must realize that your time and living space belong first of all to you, and you have the first right to dispose of them. When imposing itself, a person tells you, "I will control your time, space and attention more than I will let you do it yourself." There is no reason to give them such a right. Sometimes it’s useful to simply stop responding to expressed communicative acts, for example, stop correspondence or not answer phone calls so that a person stops seeing you as a potential addressee. The effective tip on how to avoid clinginess in a relationship is to build such an atmosphere between the two of you that you can talk about anything and when any of you feel uncomfortable, they may have the confidence to immediately tell about this.
Take a few consecutive steps
Step one is to describe the situation as you see it. For example, “When they call me 20 times a day...” or “When they expect from me something that I can’t give....” At this point, you shouldn’t use the pronoun “you.”
The second step is a story about your emotions, feelings about what you said in the first step. For example, “I'm terribly upset,” or “I have a feeling of guilt,” or “It becomes very unpleasant for me.”
The third step is a story about your desires, “I don’t want to ever pick up the phone again,” “I want peace and quiet,” “I want to hide.”
A complex approach
Pay attention to other possible psychological problems. If your partner has been experiencing stress or depression for a long time, they may need a full restoration of mental health. Because clinginess can be a result of the hidden mental traumas, fear of loneliness, infantility and not readiness to give another person freedom instead of behaving like a child. As well as clinginess can be a cause for the further development of psychological problems, for example, the complex of inferiority or low self-esteem because your partner doesn’t give you as much attention as you would like to receive. To reduce stress levels, your girl should go outdoors more often (take long walks) and play with pets. The solution to other, more serious psychological problems should be left to professionals.
Taking up hobbies
What did your girlfriend like to do before she became addicted to love? Maybe she enjoyed doing her blog or making jewelry? Hobbies help us distract from love addiction. In addition, if we do what we like and what we do well, our self-esteem increases. This can be one of the steps towards realizing one's own uniqueness and usefulness. Or a new difficult task or goal can occupy the whole girl’s mind so she ceases to think so much about her partner. And when the achievement will be reached and turns back to her regular life with a beloved one, she may notice that her life was not at all so intimidating or boring without spending all her time with the partner.
We should understand and accept the nature of feelings. Perhaps it is not easy to focus on ourselves and understand our emotions. But clinginess as any other psychological problem has a root cause. If we delve into the memory, almost each of us can find painful memories, a past that we do not want to stir up once again. It can make us feel sad, annoyed, or even desperate and seek the solution in another person. However, it is necessary to survive these unpleasant emotions to accept certain events and the changes that have occurred in us through this experience. Awareness of one’s feelings is part of the process of internal growth. You begin to understand yourself better, and this is an important step towards a healthy relationship.