Lying is a slippery life path. Most of us are literally forced to tell lies in certain life moments, though it can hardly be advisable and it might hurt much more than it can heal. It always takes away that really subtle cord of trust between people as well as it would usually take a lot more time to rebuild a connection between two loving partners when one of them feels broken by the other one’s lies. Lies are known to be damaging any types of relationships, whether it is just a friendship or a much deeper bond, like a romance, and when certain trust issues in a relationship appear on the horizon of a couple in love, some things might seem like they will never get back on track. However, with a totally open mind and heart, you can start working towards regaining the trust of your beloved person and try to move past the fact you could lose him/her because of lies.
No trust in a relationship means that it won’t be able to thrive and grow in a healthy way. Lying, whether it is about small insignificant things or about some serious issues like finances or loyalty, may be one of the shortest ways to stripping that absolutely vital trust from a romantic relationship. And once trust is lost, getting it back might become a nearly impossible mountain to climb, at the same time repairing the ties which were once cut CAN be possible with a right attitude and sincerity.
Why is trust important in a relationship?
We won’t be going too far, just imagine some real-life situations: One sunny morning your sweetheart leaves for work and you don’t have peace of mind; you’ve spotted your beloved partner in the company of another man/woman and you just fail to accept it was just a friend from high school; you wish to share an intimate secret with your loved one and something makes you doubt if he/she will keep it.
So what is trust in a relationship? It’s the key element without which your entire life can become a real nightmare. No relationships can thrive without trust. What’s more, a romantic relationship with no trust becomes truly chaotic and dysfunctional.
In other words, trust is the faith you need to have in the loved person that he/she will always remain faithful and loving to you. To trust somebody means that you can always count on the person around and are totally comfortable dedicating your life to that someone as it makes you feel really easy with the person beside.
Trust makes the building block for every committed relationship without which the whole foundation will remain shaky and ready to collapse at any moment. If you have trust within your partnership, you will survive even the hardest of times. In addition, without this basic thing, you will not be able to sustain your relationship for a long time. In a nutshell, serious lack of trust between to loving souls is one of the major reasons for many relationships to fall apart. And here is why trust is always the driving factor in romantic relations:
1. Your love can’t survive without trust
As mentioned above, trust is the base of love. Just like a little child trusts his mother and, thus, loves her, your significant other should know you are trustworthy and will not ditch him/her in tough moments. This feeling is important for any relationship in order to keep sprouting and flourishing.
2. Trust can help overcome problems
It is one of the most important binding factors for all drawbacks and differences in a relationship. Deep down you are sure that you will overcome all of the obstacles together with your partner.
3. Trust heals
When you’re feeling hurt in your partnership, you can get over it thanks to the deep trust you have in the person by your side.
4. It makes it easier to control emotions
The degree to which you trust your partner may determine how much of yourself you are willing to give to him or her. If you were hurt by your lover, it is only trust that will tell you there must be at least one reason behind your partner’s annoying behavior.
5. It will teach you about personal time and space
Believe it, you won’t be feeling insecure about granting your partner his/her personal space. Moreover, trust helps two people in love always stay close in spite of all the obstacles.
6. It reassures
If you got trust, you are sure your partner will love you despite the arguments and fights you may have. That is the key to a durable and healthy relationship.
7. You don’t need justifications
When you absolutely trust your partner and are trusted yourself, you will not need to explain or justify anything. You are confident that your significant other will understand and trust your words and decisions.
So, it looks like we’re done with the definition of trust in a relationship and are ready to review some ways of how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
How to restore trust in a relationship after lying?
Rebuilding trust in a relationship will definitely be hard to manage after having lied to your loved one, as the trust was taken away so suddenly. If you have lied to the nearest person, there are several steps that will help you fix everything. To make a long story short, a liar should repent in order to receive acceptance and the person who was lied to must take time to heal and give acceptance back. Here are more detailed steps you need to take in order to regain your lover’s trust.
1. Make amends
The very first step of yours that needs to be taken after being caught in a white lie is to say you are truly sorry. Instead of justifying your actions, show that you fully accept the responsibility for your deeds and that you are ready to do your best to earn back your lover’s trust. Be willing to wait as long as it is needed for your significant other to trust you again.
2. Don’t expect his/her forgiveness right away
Instead, focus on working on earning it through the sincere actions from the point on. The situation will not be resolved without any effort from your side, so make absolutely sure you are prepared to gain your partner’s trust through the hard work.
3. Honesty is your best policy
This is a crucial point, especially when figuring out how to restore trust after cheating. Make sure you don’t make the same awful mistake twice or try to cover your previous lies with the new ones in desperate hopes of saving your face. You know, two wrongs don’t make a right.
4. Be prepared to walk in a villain’s shoes for a while
Most likely, the person you’ve lied to won’t be giving you his/her trust so easily after you messed up, nor will he/she be affectionate towards you for some time. You’ve made a mistake, thus you must deal with its consequences, so be prepared to be reviewed as a villain until you make everything right.
5. Learn the lesson
Another step in the guide on how to regain trust in a relationship tells you need to learn the lesson and make sure the same mistake won’t be made again. It won’t be feeling too good to be given that cold shower, still if you know you were wrong, you certainly know you deserve that reaction.
6. Be reliable
When you are seen a reliable person, you automatically become a person of your word. Always stay available, especially when your partner will need your help to bring back the trust that was lost. Consider this one a part of the bargain before you start making amends.
7. Remain an open book
Since you have put doubts into your lover’s mind with the lies you told, it will definitely make a great idea to become more open than usual about your own and your whereabouts. Encourage an open communication and always keep the phone on, since your lie might cause other suspicions to arise in your lover’s mind.
8. Respect your partner’s needs
If he/she asks for some time on his/her own, respect this decision. Don’t be abandoning the ship or begging your partner to forgive you, yet rather let your loved one know you are always there for him/her.
9. Show sincere remorse
Remind your beloved person that you are doing everything in your power to restore the trust and that you will never let him/her down again. You surely want to come across as a person who has realized everything and feel horrible about it.
10. Stick to your promises
When you promise to change, your significant other will not take those promises lightly. Anything you promise must be set in stone, so avoid making a promise you are not 100% confident you can keep.
11. Make your actions speak louder than promises
Words can quicken the process of forgiveness and healing, still your deeds must prove the other person you are trying real hard. Put every single promise into action and don’t stop until you are finally forgiven.
12. You are human and you make mistakes
All living beings are created to make mistakes and learn from those. If you want to become a better person, make the necessary changes. Start living like the person you wish to be starting from today. Cowards tend to tell lies, so learn to be the kind of person who is never afraid to speak the truth.
13. Let your partner speak
Let your partner express his/her opinion how it felt when you lied and how he/she feels throughout the process of learning to trust you again. Be attentive to whatever is needed from you and some other details even if you find those completely insignificant. Helping your other half to heal and forgive you will be much easier when your partner knows he/she is heard.
14. If you are forgiven, don’t take it for granted
Always be sure you’ve taken something from your mistakes. Do not allow your past missteps to catch up with your relationship again and potentially cause a breakup. Thank your partner for forgiving you and try to never hurt him/her again. Tell the person you love and care about how much it means to you that you were given a new start.
All in all, in order to find out how to restore trust in a marriage or in any other relationship, you have to make some serious lifestyle changes. Keep your relationship clear and open as it is a really valuable process. If you need help, just ask for it. And if you need a change, make it yourself. Rebuilding trust is a huge deal, so be treating it that way. There might be a lot of facets and turns in this truly delicate and daunting process. When it is not sorted out properly, it can torch your relations until what is left are ashes and regrets. Make every effort to look at the trust regaining as a learning process that may hopefully bring even greater intimacy and love and go ahead on. And if not, well, then make other sort of plans.