Money issues in a relationship are quite difficult. Some couples avoid discussing it, some don’t, but in any case, many of them face it sooner or later. But the fact is that money speaks about the possibility of survival in society. To be financially secured is a particular manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, lovers often don’t realize why they quarrel over money. In time, people even begin to measure their feelings in money. A man feels that he is loved if he provides for a family, and a woman feels loved if her man gives her money.
So, why are money and love so interconnected in the modern world? Why do financial issues affect so much the success of a relationship between a man and a woman?
Money problems in relationships - why they occur
The beginning of a romantic relationship is always a charming and, for the most part, carefree period. Flowers, gifts, evenings under the stars, cafes, and movies… People rarely seriously think about money at this stage. After all, the main thing is to win the attention of a loved one. But sooner or later, the fairytale ends and it's time to make this point clear. So relationships and money – how are they connected?
Does money matter in a relationship?
If we analyze financial problems of a man and a woman in relationships, it will be clear that there are two ways of its coming:
- How money comes to a couple (by whom and how it is earned);
- How it leaves a couple (how quickly, on what it is wasted and who wastes it).
Hence, the disputes in a relationship are divided into 2 types:
- When there is no money.
- When a couple has money.
When money becomes an issue in a relationship
If a man earns more than a woman, then there are the following issues:
Problem #1. A man thinks that his woman spends a lot of money, and she accuses him of greed
It is harder for the representatives of the strong half of humanity than for the weak half to part with finances. If a woman spends his money, then a man has to be confident in her, love her or experience a strong sexual desire. It is perfect if there are all these components. If not, then there occur money issues in relationships.
Problem#2. A man who has to work hard is less involved in the life of a couple
On all accusations of a woman that he devotes little time to her, a man says that making money and providing for the family is his main responsibility, and, after all, it’s time to leave him alone! Money problems in relationships also occur because of this.
Problem#3. A man may have a strong fear of losing high-paying jobs, especially if any problems in the professional sphere occur
This, in turn, affects a relationship with his woman.
If a man earns less than a woman, then we can observe the next problems:
Problem# 1. Decreased self-esteem of a man
In this case, the chances of bragging about any achievements are significantly reduced. A man without achievements is like a diver without scuba. Money “feeds” him with positive energy, inspires to further achievements. If a man is deprived of this, then his inner core can crack, and he often loses self-esteem. Of course, it is not about all men who have small incomes, but about the majority who have money issues in relationships.
Problem# 2. A man doesn’t seek to take responsibility
This phenomenon has two sides. Either he was brought up so, used to behave this way, and didn’t seek to fulfill his masculine functions in a relationship with a woman or a man met a lady who took the whole burden of responsibility on herself and didn’t allow him to solve important tasks. And here money issues occurred in relationships.
Problem# 3. The discontent of a woman and the accusation of a man in that he lives on her tab
This reason is usually a consequence of the previous one. But here the question arises: who is to blame? Either it is an initiative-less man accustomed to this state or a woman who climbs to the top of glory and presses a partner under her thumb. If two people can’t find some common agreement, they start fighting about money in a relationship.
Problem# 4. Pressure from others
Relatives, friends, colleagues at work constantly try to resemble the general rule: a man must be an earner.
Does money matter in a relationship? Of course, it does. But anyway, you should be quite smart to come to a common agreement and decide how and on what to spend it.
Married to the money: does such relationship last?
Money is a real substance that is capable of giving a sense of satisfaction only if it is wisely appreciated by your own efforts and talents. Then, for example, an expensive car bought for earned money would please you every day with the understanding that you managed to buy it by yourself. But have you ever seen the eyes of women who have everything but not happiness? The brilliance of diamonds and the luxury of expensive furs can’t hide the void in their extinct eyes because there is only melancholy and disappointment. These women are constantly looking for what they lost. Yes, wives and girlfriends of wealthy men are also looking for themselves. It is not enough to have money and other attributes of a beautiful life, and at the same time, be with an unloved person because money and relationships shouldn’t be so close to each other. There are more important things for a happy married life.
Imagine that a young girl, whose dream of a rich prince has come true, discovers that her life, as it turns out, is empty and boring and there is no place for true joy and love. After all, she married not to a man but to his money. And she still has to live with a real person, even if his work allows them to see each other only twice a week and at night. Yes, married to the money relationships do not last long.
Of course, in order to achieve happiness, everyone must strive to the BEST version of themselves in this life, and then you will become a perfect example for others. It is impossible to live with the understanding that this particular person can give only money. Many men think that women prefer only money relationships, but actually, they need something more. There always should be love and respect between people.
How to deal with money issues in a relationship
Money in a relationship plays a very big role and everyone needs to know this in order to preserve their relationship or find another person to create other more reliable relationships. But many couples still can’t understand that this role of money in relationships can both make them and destroy. Therefore, today we will tell you the most basic methods for everyone of how to deal with money issues in a relationship.
Quarrels in a relationship
Just know that the role of money in relationships can lead not only to good consequences. There are also bad ones. In some couples, the role of money influences quarrels in a relationship and it is necessary to get rid of it very wisely. Therefore, know that everything depends only on your opinion and the nature of your union. If the wrong way of thinking prevails, then it will be almost impossible to get rid of fighting about money in a relationship.
You should know that there are only two problems of money in the world – either it is not enough or a lot of. There is no golden mean. Of course, an insufficient amount of money is a bigger problem because people need to live and develop for something. However, when people have too much money, there also occur some problems since a couple has enough money for absolutely all things, they don’t understand what they want and start fighting because of this.
Also, there is a mistake in the wrong choice of a soul mate. Someone wants to make a relationship a little happier, become successful and financially independent, but someone just takes it for granted. Therefore, the role of money in relationships is gaining meaningless character, and you better get rid of such people who don’t respect your work and love.
Avoiding money problems in a relationship
The first thing you need to do before you look for a way out is to understand what role of money in a relationship is now; you need to figure out your own views about this issue. Perhaps, you can ruin your relationship because of your wrong opinion about money. Therefore, first of all, decide and discuss what views about the money you have in a relationship. Then imagine in your head what will happen when you and your women become financially independent, what you will do, how it will affect the behavior of you and your relationship. And when you clearly decide that there is no problem with this, then you will be able not to think about the issue of relationships and money.
Financial problems can begin even before marriage. For example, they can be the consequence of spending on a honeymoon or high cost of a wedding.
Experts advise: when money becomes an issue in a relationship, take a deep breath and start a serious conversation about finances. Here are a few tips from family counselors that can help solve money issues without threatening a relationship.
- If you have some problems with money and relationships, then don’t approach this question when you are angry at something. It is necessary to allocate time that is convenient for both of you. Be honest about your current financial situation. If you both irritate each other, then it will be simply unreal to continue the same way of life.
- Don’t hide your income or debts. Disassemble together financial documents, including loans, payment receipts, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, as well as investments.
- Plan a joint budget, which includes the savings of both. Decide who of you will be responsible for paying your monthly bills.
- Let everyone in a couple have "independent" money that can be spent on your or her needs.
- Talk about caring for your parents. As they grow old, you need to properly plan your and their financial needs, if necessary.
If Money Issues Cannot Be Worked Out
Okay, nobody wants to end up completely broke because of the money issues in marriage. It is stressful, uncomfortable and highly counterproductive to achieving your mutual financial goals as a couple. And while there might be some things just outside of your and your partner’s control, like your boss deciding whether to give you a raise or not, there certainly are several things you can and must control.
But how should you be dealing with money issues in a relationship if those simply can’t be worked out? You can try to simply justify some of your purchases, rationalizing that you definitely need those and that your life will be plain uncomfortable without them. At the same point, needless to say, this is not the best idea as it is actually going to create even more troubles for you later on. So, you may think this article on how to deal with money issues in a relationship is a true God’s gift for your romantic partnership to remain unified and even strengthen your relations.
1. Do not ignore the problems
In case if you are struggling hard to pain in the debt, the worst thing you could do is to have your head buried in the sand. Unfortunately, pretending like there’s no real problem involved will not make it disappear. But, instead, it’s more likely to make it a lot worse. Tackling the problems head on can enable your couple to find the best solution that will work out for your current financial issues and make you both feel much better as well.
2. Learn to prioritize
If you and your partner are struggling with the lack of money, food, shelter and other primary needs must be given precedence over all the other luxuries that can surely wait until better time. Consequently, meeting your debt or rent payments and any kinds of repayments secured on your home have to remain your first priority.
3. Establish a budget
If you find it too difficult to keep on top of your necessities, it is important that you both need to sit down and make up a fine budget. It will help you balance the most essential outgoings with the sum you currently possess and makes the key to taking over your finances. In addition, there’s also one really important thing on the “money and relationships” matter as total honesty with yourself and your significant other when establishing a steady budget.
4. Avoid the “loan” trap at any cost
As tempting as it sounds, taking out a loan to cover all issues you constantly fail to deal with is rarely a good idea and certainly not the ultimate solution that’s going to help you with your financial troubles in the long run. That’s why looking for help from the outer sources and taking the opportunity to deal with your finances can be a much better approach which will eventually help you take control of your problems.
5. Get help from the outside
There are many not-for-profit organizations out there able to give you absolutely free and confidential advice on how to tackle your financial difficulties and save the relationship. Another possible way out when dealing with money issues in a relationship is to get in touch with your closest friends and families that can provide financial assistance in certain amount. Absolutely needless to say that this approach is far better than finding your partnership stuck up in another loan.
Regardless of who is responsible for the welfare of a relationship, each of you deserves a full life in a family and professional way. It is necessary to understand that self-realization is the main component of happiness. A person, who feels happy, always causes interest and desire of his or her significant other.
Yes, it is difficult to avoid conflicts when you are overtaken by problems with finances. In most cases, this negatively affects relationships. However, difficulties can strengthen love, or vice versa, destroy it. Remember that each of the spouses gives a marriage vow before getting married, which states that they are ready to preserve their feelings, regardless of life circumstances. And the financial crisis can be called a test of these promises. Therefore, if you constantly quarrel with your soul mate about the lack of money, while she controls the flow of funds, it's time to think whether there is a place for love.