We live in the world of a real Sexual Revolution where everything can be estimated in its quickness and facility. Sure, no one is going to lie that sweet 50s were really romantic, tender and well thought. What do we have now? We live in a constant flow of hookups, speed dating and never calling back. Well, you know, I don't suggest that it is strictly a bad thing. Nowadays everything has become so much cheaper, that opening your heart to every stranger will be more harmful and there is nothing horrible in just having good time with a friend of yours (well, maybe a very new friend of yours).
Maybe, if you are of a very religious upbringing, it might be hard for you to start hooking up. But you know, not all men were born for the relationships. Even if you are not supposed to stay like that all the time, we still want you to master the art of one-night stands, because it will help you live through some boring days of your life.
So, essentially, what is a one-night stand? According to the Urban Dictionary, one-night stands are "hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again. It is important not to exchange any personal info with them so they can't track you down and stalk you later." Alright, it sounds pretty innocent but it is rather hard. Why? A one-night stand can be difficult for two reasons: either you lack courage or you come across as a very selfish man, which scares women at all costs. But how can you find this happy medium and be sweet, nice, sexy and good in bed?
“I met a man at a club. You know, there was dim lighting, nice energetic music, and the atmosphere was good. So he asked me whether I want to get out of this place. When we came home, I noticed that his crib was a total mess! There was a lot of pizza leftovers, the place was so dirty, I didn't want to put my handbag on his couch, not only lay down there! After he noticed my embarrassment, he didn't even want to caress me. You know how the story ended? Two hours later, we were cleaning up his house and laughing about this situation. What started as a really romantic night, turned out to be an episode of Desperate Housewives.” (From an anonymous forum)
“How to one night stand someone? Never do something that happened to me. There was a funny night out after my university graduation. We went to a club with my friends. Everything was good: we were drinking wine, feeling ourselves on the dance floor; I was honestly a little dizzy. Then a man came over to me, and you know, asked a standard question. I wasn't against some stereotypical hit-ons and pickup lines. We hopped into his Uber, his house was really nice, we started drinking champagne, but after actual sex happened, I felt like he treated me like crap. There was no gentle man that wanted to be with me before the intercourse. The prince turned into a real beast, and not in a good way. He was really inattentive, so everything I wanted was to take a taxi and drive home. I really expected something magical to happen that night, but maybe I was just drunk. Since that time I don't practice hookups that much." (Jessica, 32, from an anonymous forum).
There are a lot of one night stands stories, and some of them are surprisingly weird. Why? Because people do not know the basic rules of hooking up. So here are some tips and tricks on how to feel comfortable and take sugar and spice and everything nice from this night of fun:
Respect is still valuable, even for a random sex
If you think that a woman, who you see for the first and probably for the last time, does not deserve your respect, then you are a rather foolish person. Yes, she might not be the one you try to get to know for weeks or months, buying her flowers and stuffed teddy bears, but she is not an actual hooker, so you should show respect. Whores are actually paid for this, so they most likely pretend to enjoy your company (and hookers still deserve some respect too). On contrary, "your random friends" do it for free.
Get rid of a weird hierarchy that only your constant girlfriend deserves all the flowers, and a girl from the club does not deserve any. If you understand this simple rule, your first and only night will be much brighter and more passionate. Being nice and respectful is just a golden standard of behavior. Yes, and even in the case where you do not want to see her anymore.
Do not neglect communication
You need to be mobile for free relationships; otherwise, you will have no sex. In other words, you should not neglect talking to girls you are being acquainted with. We understand that you are afraid to reborn something random and light into a bond with obligations with all of its seriousness, but don't worry, you'll have the strength to cross this border. Spontaneous sex is good but not every time. It doesn't give you an opportunity to fix a previous bad experience, because it was spontaneous. You have no chance to recover, as a girl simply does not know anything about you. You could have talked to her a little bit before the actual intercourse, so there would be a better ground for pleasant sensations. What are those pleasant sensations? It’s when she doesn't simulate an orgasm and you don't feel awkward afterwards!
Establish and maintain the borders
It is a rather crucial rule that seems to slip out every time. You could be a bachelor for a thousand years; it can be your ideology. But if you don't explain it to a girl, she might go crazy for you. This is one of the one night stand rules that everyone should remember. It happens when you perceive relationships as something funny and really light. On the other hand, women expect it to be serious. Imagine you have no obligations whatsoever – you just want to have fun, only sex. If a girl that you are sleeping with for a couple of days now rings the bell of serious relationships, you should simply explain your position. She could have understood you wrongly, taking your romantic affiliation as a vain hope. So try to establish the border between random hookups and serious relationships. Different people have different territories. Being respectful means staying out of somebody's private zone for the sake of your well-being.
How to get a one-night stand? Do not fake it!
If you have decided to pick up girls just to have sex with them, there is no reason to be two faced. Do not fake a cool and cold Fifty Shades of Grey guy if you are not one of the type. You have many opportunities to maintain the strongest sides of your personality that all girls like. Develop this one; do not make up a fable about yourself. Because you will be you in bed, all of the masks will fall off and the girl will eventually know who you really are. That is why it's really important to formulate a strong personality, not creating a Frankenstein from different romantic protagonists. If you come up as cool in bed, do not expect your sex to be hot either, she will just want to finish everything, so don't be afraid of your feelings.
How to have a one-night stand. Do not ruin your mental health!
Among one night stand etiquette lovers there will always be some moralists who claim that your free-spiritness will lead to psychic problems. You know, those stupid people have a point. It is true only in some situations where you treat sex only as something unemotional and physical. Sex is always based on emotions. It was made to up the level of happiness in your life. If you have a problem with that, you might be aggressive, depressive, nasty, and unbearable as a person. So mind your psychic health as well as your physical health. It is crucial to understand the reason of choosing one-night stands rather than staying with one woman. There can be some problems and they can be difficult to trace. Aside from a one night stand etiquette, you need to understand what really makes you healthy and happy and what makes your life even emptier.
OK, now the issue itself is a lot easier to you, but it is not everything you need to know. Here are some additional male one-night stand rules that will make your partner feel comfortable and beloved as well, even if you know that both of you are totally faking it:
Offer her some of your clothes
You want her to be as comfortable as possible. If she is uncomfortable, she will ruin the whole night waking up, trying to cover herself, getting up to go to the bathroom. So, offer her some of your boxers or just a comfy t-shirt. And please, let her attend the bathroom before you will search for dirty laundry to put in the washer. And offer her one more blanket, it is really inconvenient to sleep under one, since both of you will try to pull it on your side. Remember my words of wisdom.
Only if you love a person, spooning, cuddling, kissing and resting your head on her shoulder will be a good idea. It's kind of romantic. But if she is a one night stand girl, you have all the opportunities not to do this. If she wants to cuddle you after sex, just tell directly that you feel uncomfortable and it's better for you to sleep alone.
Be nice when she leaves
Never throw her clothes out of your room because you're not in Eminem's Superman clip. Every girl wants to be treated nicely and with all respect, so fare her well and thank for arguably the best night you've ever had! All in all, hooking up is a good thing. You have fun, play together, but don’t stay together. It can be either fun or depressive. But if you are a mindful, nice and passionate person, this night will never be forgotten for both of you!
What Can Go Wrong with a One Night Stand
While the picture seems perfectly clear now, and you may get the feeling that nothing may go wrong with your one night stand, you should think twice, as there is a number of things that can go wrong. And if you really want to know how to have a one night stand, you should learn a few aspects where it can go wrong.
Before creating an account on one of the one night stand sites, you must be absolutely sure that you are really into it. Otherwise it may be just a waste of time. Of course, time is precious, but wasting it is not your biggest problem when you are unsure whether you want a one night stand or not. Sometimes you end up feeling that you want it, but cannot allow yourself to give in to your desire, and your slight absence of satisfaction may lead to depression. So, make sure that you are really into one night stands, if you don't want to end up visiting a shrink.
The best one night stand advice that you would receive is be careful with what you are talking about. While it is not dating, you still should think twice about before speaking. You may start complaining about your exes, and your one night stand may start thinking that you are interested in something more than just sex. And aside from getting enough troubles from that, you may end up night without getting laid. While it may sound as surprise for you, girls can be interested in nothing more but sex too. And a girl like that wouldn't want to sleep with a guy, who is looking for a perfect girl.
That's one of the most common problems with one night stands. You might think about protection with a one night stand. You may have a perfect sexcapades all night, but it will results into months and months of visiting urologists and taking pills. There is no point into turning your one night stand into a long journey through the halls of medical institutions, and the one and only way to avoid it is using condoms. While it may seem obvious, still, the vast majority of men contract STDs via one night stands. Thus, you need to be prudent when it comes to one night stands, and regardless what your one-time partner says, you need to use condoms. All STDs are unpleasant, but you may contract HIV, which will change your life.
You might not have planned it. Your friend might not have planned, but it happens from time to time. One night stand with a friend is actually a common thing, but there is no ultimate guide on how to act after that. Should you contact your friend after a one night stand? Should you talk about that with your friend? The best way is to wait for your friend's reaction, before going straight ahead with talking about your one night stand. While you may start thinking that you should stop talking with your friend, suspecting that everything had happened because your friend had a secret affection for you, you shouldn't. All in all, we are talking about one night stands that proves that physical doesn't always go hand in hand with emotional.