All relationships are made up of periods of uncertainty, suspense and tension that arise when two people get closer to each other. But there are ways to avoid such periods and simply step up your game towards an official serious relationship. For this, of course, you need to know your plans for the future and start from something. Not all young women seeking men want to marry and have children, and not all males want simple sex without obligations. Relationships neither save you from anything nor guarantee anything, some couples break up, others grow into something more.
There are no general rules what lead to happiness and serious dating. Starting any relationship, you risk that nothing will work out, and you will waste your efforts and resources. However, this is normal. No need to limit yourself, it doesn’t matter how the relationship began or what you agreed on at some point in them. There are no agreements once and for all. They can be revised based on what is happening in the relationship. Therefore, you shouldn’t always wonder, "When does a relationship officially start?" or what you need to do to make your partner want serious commitments. Every case is individual, but we have, however, some universal tips and tricks for you.
What Is the Definition of an Official Relationship?
Everything that carries in itself something more than the solution of situational desires, plus a certain amount of responsibility, refers to a serious relationship. Even communication with single females online if you do it regularly, and you both agree that you are in a relationship can be considered serious. At the household level, the seriousness of relationships is often associated with long-term intentions, although this is not necessarily the case.
Since there are always two people in a relationship, the criterion of a serious relationship should also include concern for the partner, and not just about yourself. Although often this moment falls out of sight since usually, we strive to satisfy ourselves, nevertheless, in a serious relationship, the role of attention to a partner is an integral part.
Men and women are significantly different from each other. And women are more focused on making a relationship official, on creating a family and having children. Of course, it should be noted that in the modern world, men and women are not much different from each other in many aspects. Nevertheless, their basic genetic programs are different, they do not change over time, and they also determine the main differences in relationships between men and women.
Men, as a rule, do not know how to build emotional relationships, unlike women, for whom relationships are part of their nature. These are women who are able to notice and take into account all the nuances of behavior, family mood and men's speech, whether he shows attention, in what form and how he speaks. Of course, individual differences are present, but the main trends look something like this: women are more oriented towards creating relationships, they expect more than men, and they are aimed at the more emotional side of relationships. And they dictate that serious relationships are the ones where two people have committed to a long-term connection and, as a rule, exclusive dating (although open couples can as well be involved in serious relationships) unless the couple has agreed on another official relationship status.
Main Signs You Are Ready to Become Official
If you want a long-term relationship, this does not mean that you are ready for it. What's the difference between courting and dating? You commit to a person and agree to a common future and not just treat your partner as a savior from loneliness. That is why you should think many times before entering this affair. Here are the main signs that your couple is ready to build a serious relationship.
1. You want more
You want to leave random dates, events for couples, vacations alone in the past. You need hugs and joint movie watching, talking about everything in the world and partnership in sexual experiments, support in difficult moments and a person who will share success with you. What is the meaning of dating a girl? You want and can invest in a relationship with your time, emotions and energy.
2. You have formed values
Make sure your plans for the future and for each other are serious enough and achievable. Understand what you want and look for a partner who will help you realize what you want. Be confident in yourself. But don't be afraid to show weakness. Confidence looks very attractive. Even if you pretend at times. But you need to balance it with being honest and open your heart. After all, otherwise, you will never be able to become really close with someone. What does making a relationship official mean? This is the relationship when you are not afraid to tell your partner about your weakness and vulnerability. And being a mature person also excludes codependent relationships. For example, you still can and should spend your time separately and do not forget about friends. They were with you before it all started. And they will remain in case it ends. Yes, yes, we know. All you need now is to spend more time with your new love. But, remember our advice, do not forget about old friends. After all, if they leave you, how will you feel?
3. You do not have false expectations
It means you are ready to tolerate some temporary problems, shortcomings or bad habits of your partner. You do not imagine them as a perfect human being, do not exaggerate their strong sides and neglect the weak ones. What is more, you know that relationships aren’t stable, they come in periods, and it is ok not to feel crazy in love all the time. Do you feel interested and at ease together? Are you comfortable with your partner? Do you enjoy spending a lot of time together? Do you want to know them better? Excellent! This is already a healthy and promising relationship and using ideas to make a relationship official you can switch to a conscious and long-term connection. You don’t have to lose your head to be with someone. Take things easier. If something is wrong, you will feel it. In the meantime, relax.
4. The heart tells you you're right
And this is the most important thing. You have done a lot of internal work, looked at your life from the side and realized that this is exactly what is missing. The fear is gone, the anxiety that you cannot be with anyone for long, either. So it's time to act! Do not start a relationship just because someone is pushing you, for example, because all your friends are already in long-term relationships. Answer the question of your readiness for yourself and discuss it with the partner. If you have similar values, nothing prevents you from dating more seriously, and you are sure of your choice – just go for it. But if you are going to start dating a person just for that reason, stop. Nothing good will come out of it. And, most likely, it will end with emptiness and pain. Always focus only on what you feel. You are an expert.
5. You are ready to change
Become better and more compliant, bolder and more determined, patient and calm. Living together will very soon require change, and one of the main virtues might be just flexibility and the ability to adapt to circumstances. People who are straightforward and unbending to master this science are the hardest. It is difficult for them to understand that changing for the sake of the family and giving up to a tyrant partner are completely different things. But what does official relationship mean and what does it require? It requires unity and cooperation, adapting and changes. You now will have to consult on various issues with your partner because you are not simply an individual, you are a part of a union that is called a couple. For that, you will need to listen to the other person and change something in your plans or behavior even if you do not always want it. You should and you will do this in case you want the same treatment from your beloved one.
How Many Dates Do You Need Before Starting a Formal Relationship?
Representatives of the British company Avant Homes conducted a study in which they found out how many dates should take place until you are in a relationship that is serious. The survey involved 2 thousand people, according to Independent.
How many dates before you're in a relationship? "About 25 percent of respondents said they had fallen in love at first sight, and about 10 percent said that it had taken them a month to have feelings for their future partner," the statement said. At the same time, it is noted that in order for the relationship to become something serious, for example, to live together, the majority needed about nine dates. Almost all study participants said they had fallen in love no more than twice in their lives. Interviewees also stated that it was not necessary to come up with original ideas for dating. The usual everyday communication is enough - going to the movies, bars or cafes.
This is also a proven fact that a man really falls in love with a woman only after sex, but this does not mean that you need to go to bed with him on the first date. At the same time, often men initiate sex immediately after your first romantic dinner. But here “the rule of the three dates” can be applied. It is recommended that a couple should jump to sex after 3 dates. Of course, if sex on the first date did happen, this does not mean that there will be no second meeting, as well as having only sex without obligations is not considered something bad. We just want to say that serious relationships require 50% of emotional and 50% of a physical connection. So, according to the study above 9 dates are just enough to reassure both physical understandings of the person (which means not only sex but eye contact, the smell, hugs, and kisses) and emotional (you will have time to talk about your values, interests, plans and decide whether you should involve in something serious with a particular person).
Tips to Initiate "Relationship Talk?"
No one can be ever ready for such a conversation. Especially the party that suddenly receives that standard "we need to talk." While the one who feels an urgent need to sort everything out and initiates the discussion can (and in fact should) at least prepare, the other one should agree to the role of the defendant. There are, however, ways to make a relationship official by a simple talk and tips on reducing the stress during this process.
Be direct in your intentions. That means to start the conversation from the end. With the thought of what you want from this conversation. Before talking, make up the rough plan in your head. This will give you confidence. And it will not let slip into the discussion of all those issues that have already been resolved before. Minimize the use of negative words. And no insults. Keep in mind that you want to solve a problem in a relationship, and not destroy them in the long run. Numerous studies of conflicts have shown that negative and offensive words put a person in the need to defend themselves (and our metaphor of the defendant was used in a figurative meaning, please remember this). And, as you know, the best defense is an attack or flight. As a result, you get not a conversation, but a “military action” or “an empty battlefield.”
Many people like to start a conversation from afar, with protracted preambles, and the most important part, the very essence of the discussion, is left to the end. Apparently, this is how people hope to sweeten the pill or give themselves courage. However, this behavior is annoying because it is not clear which information will be needed and which is not, and what this conversation is all about. Better start from the main, that is, from the end. If you want to talk about the attitude of your partner towards your future, just say, “I would like to talk about the status of our relationships.”
Choose the right words. Not only formulate your opinion and consider how you should transfer your ideas. But think over the objections you may receive from a partner, “I do not quite get your flow of thoughts,” “I always behave like that,” “I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” “It’s normal for others, but suddenly for you, it is not,” “What’s wrong with that?” “You’re just trying to make this a thing.”
Find the answers to them and anticipate their appearance in the conversation, “Such an attitude is very unpleasant for me, and I ask you ...,” “I’m uncomfortable with you at such moments,” “I ask you to think about me when you tell me things like that because it doesn’t appear to me that you treat me seriously," " If I've expressed it incomprehensibly, then I will try to reformulate it," " It is important for me that you hear me and try to understand me."
Pick up time. It doesn’t even matter so much how many dates before the relationship talk you have, but what exact time and date you choose for it. People like to speak not when it is comfortable for their partner, but when they want to. The approach of forcing somebody to speak will not give a result. Choose a time when your loved one does not need to go anywhere, they have just woken up, and they can listen and answer soberly. The best time for most people is Saturday night or Sunday morning. Of course, everyone has their own best time, but the main rule remains the same: talk about complex things when a person has the strength and time to talk. Know what you want. To solve the situation of how long dating to the relationship will be enough for you, you need to understand what you are looking for in general.
Some conversations are started to solve problems, others serve as an opportunity to simply speak out. In the latter case, it is not surprising when a partner starts with one topic, jumps to another, and the end of the conversation is in no way connected with the beginning. In the process of conversation, the thinking goes on and thoughts get messed up. Such a conversation has a right to exist, just don't expect it to solve the problems that have arisen. Indeed, the partner, in this case, does not understand what you want from them. If you plan to resolve some issue during the conversation, then it is worth acting differently. Decide for yourself what result you want to obtain and ask questions based on this, if you initiate the talk, you should be the leader. In this way, you will explain to your beloved what you want to them, and they will respond to your directions giving you the right answers.
Create the necessary conditions. Remember that talking is for solving a problem, not for humiliating a partner. Manipulations and games in such serious things will make you stuck in one place. If you are motivated by your love and respect for whom you want to talk to, if you sincerely want to establish relationships, then with a high degree of probability, your conversation will be successful for both of you. The inner conflict will be resolved.
In a conversation, it is important to show sympathy and interest in the interlocutor. Demand for more information, ask questions. Your expression, timbre and tone, the way you sit - all this can also convey your interest to the partner. Approach a person, tilt your head slightly, look into the eyes. This will help them feel that you are empathizing, and their feelings are important to you. All such non-verbal conditions that depend on you shouldn’t be neglected. And we do not even mention the time and place required, here everything depends on you. If you think the partner will be more talkative in the restaurant and not at home, you can initiate the talk there.
What to do if a person does not take you seriously? Of course, you can tell them that you miss them and would like to meet more often. What if they just were afraid to appear obtrusive and have been just waiting for you to initiate the conversation? Unfortunately, most likely, if the person did not start the discussion themselves, they did not think of it or did not want to. Something cut them off seeing your future together. If you feel that the opinions of you and the partner towards your relationships start to diverge, initiate the topic.
Or just do other things, live an interesting life, and tell them that you are very busy. Perhaps they will feel that they are losing you and will wake up. If not, you can completely stop calls and meetings, let them breathe a sigh of relief. And in the end, you can just ask them how they treat you and what awaits you in the future. But do not ask if you are not ready to hear any answer.