Love must be unconditional and does not depend on any life circumstances or personal conditions, right? Of course, this is an ideal we all strive for, but we must understand that true unconditional love happens really rarely in adult life. The relationship that does not depend on how our loved one behaves at the moment or our perception of their deeds can include other signs of unconditional love as well. It is very easy to say, and it is incredibly difficult to do. We cannot always equally love the same person all the time, and this is natural, but trying to reach such a concept is what matters. How to love unconditionally is what we are going to talk about today.
What Is Unconditional Love?
The first experience of unconditional love comes to us in childhood. When a father or a mother loves us. In childhood, this sense of love gives us a basic sense of the stability and security of the world in which we live. This does not mean that without such a feeling we will not be able to live happily, but the presence or absence of an image of such love largely determines how we will build our relationship in the future. As a child, we subconsciously never search for the reason why our parents love us. It can seem to us that after we have great results in studying or we have lived up to their hopes, it is normal that we get praise from our parents back. But in fact, it doesn't matter for parents what the results in the study are or how bad we sometimes behave, they will love us no matter what. And when we come to realize it, we find out that it is possible to love somebody just because they exist.
Do not question the magic of love or its paramount importance. Life without love is empty. And yet, in love and intimate life, people face many problems, both traditional ones, including unhappy marriages, family violence, divorces, and loneliness, and relatively recently realized ones, for example, associated with the fear of engagement or relationships-connected syndromes.
We pay much attention to the symbols of unconditional love because this concept is closely intertwined with the problems of control both at the individual and society levels. We want to show that love, and the most important experience for a person has become an object of double morality that regulates, disfigures and even undermines the very essence of the natural manifestations of love, care and affection. The concept of "unconditional" love is not something independent. It is part of a broader system of values that separates the pure and the impure, the disinterested and the self-serving, the spiritual and the mundane. These are the two poles around which traditional morality revolves.
Unconditional love symbols contain seeming paradoxes. On the one hand, unconditional love in relationships is proclaimed love without measure, and on the other hand, it sets the standard of love with which it is proposed to measure all its other manifestations. Thus, love without measure turns into a measure of love. Moreover, to the extent that people need love, this need is selfish to the same extent. At the same time, the thirst for love can be satisfied only by being freed from selfish needs.
What is unconditional love in a relationship? By themselves, the concepts "conditional" and "unconditional" love are abstract categories within the dual context, which is the product of the human mind. Abstractions, in essence, do not take into account the living situation, and when it comes to emotions, it becomes especially dangerous. If abstractions miss or diminish important aspects of life situations, the result can be strange, and often harmful, considering its consequences and deviations.
Unconditional love can only be understood as such love, which does not depend on whether the one who is loved deserves it. Ideally, unconditional love only gives without measure and without asking for anything in return. In short, it is not based on any selfish goals. Besides, if you feel that you are loved unconditionally, no matter who is this person, it means that you are fully accepted for who you are, whatever that means.
Is Unconditional Love Real?
It is hard to define unconditional love, but to explain whether it exists in real life is even harder. As we have mentioned, the perfect example is the love of a parent for their child. But when we grow older, we do not require people to love us the way our parent did. We all understand that it is impossible to be loved by everyone, and we do not like all people we have to deal with.
And it is true, unconditional love means deliberate connection to a person. And this connection is their personal choice, you cannot do anything to make a person fall in love with you to such a strong measure. It happens naturally. When the concepts on which the idea of love is built are incompatible with real life because they deny or disparage the vital aspects of human nature, the result is more than just disappointment. The assimilation of unrealistic values inevitably creates serious personal and interpersonal problems. As long as people try to put into practice ideas that cannot be met, it remains for them either to deliberately suffer a failure or to deceive themselves. In addition, the unfulfilled expectation of ideal behavior from others ultimately inevitably leads to frustration or even gives rise to the feeling that you have been betrayed. Another result of adopting ideas by which it is impossible to live is susceptibility to the influence of people supposedly personifying these ideals.
When showing unconditional love, a person carries such energy, such a level of excitement, that they as if break out of the boundaries of their own personality and gain the ability to enter into unprecedented contact with something outside of them. At that moment all personal problems that seemed so important disappear. At the same time, the entire nervous system is “washed” by an extremely pleasant emotional sensation, which is perceived as a miracle in the full sense of the word. So, another case when your love is unconditional may be at first periods of the development of your relationships. Those are the first 1 to 2 years of dating when you are still deeply in love, and the oxytocin in your brain makes you not notice any flaws of the person and really love them for what they are.
Does unconditional love exist in adult life? Yes, but it doesn’t occur often. How many times do you catch yourself thinking of the past memories, experiences to a person who you have not met for a long time, maybe you will never meet or have the same connection? But you still carry their image in your mind and idealize their personality. Their image is alive in the mind. In these experiences, there are no conditions, and they cannot be explained. This can refer to an old friend or a relative that has been gone, but in this case, we really love unconditionally.
How to Recognize Unconditional Love?
As you have already understood, love can be divided into conditional and unconditional. It would be wrong to talk about which one is better, stronger or more reasonable. It all depends on the particular situation, the people who feel it, and the behavior of these people towards each other.
In some cases, it can be disastrous. The relationship with a partner who knows how to love unconditionally is challenging because it is achieved as a result of the struggle, defending their interests and views on life. If love is unconditional, then the person's own interests are suppressed, they lose themselves, while their partner constantly checks the limits allowed. Human love over time can grow into an unlimited verification of one's own power.
Not every woman or man is ready to look with love how their partner likes others and does not fulfill their obligations. Care and affection are important to every person, and it is a kind of real challenge to build them gradually in relationships. But when a person gets everything ready-made, they can stop appreciating it.
Unconditional love is important in relation to parents to their children or if a person chooses the way of spiritual perfection. This also means that if a person loves their partner without conditions, they most often refer to their beloved one subconsciously as to their child.
Here are the main signs that will tell you the person feels unconditional love:
- In the sense of love for a person, there are no signs of external manifestation like beauty, mental ability, and just some personal qualities. Specifically, in this case, no external manifestations play a role at all.
- A person is satisfied with everything in their partner. They know thoroughly all the weaknesses and shortcomings of a person, but they do not accept the idea that their partner could be somehow transformed or changed. They accept them the way their beloved ones are.
- Their emotions in relation to a person are always stable. They treat them the same way regardless of their behavior or actions.
- They value the person in their partner. They do not percept them as an ideal or do not put any requirements onto them as well as do not expect them to give anything back, people who love unconditionally are just happy with the fact their loved one exists.
How to Show Unconditional Love?
Unconditional love is a term that denotes acceptance and love for someone. It is a feeling that does not depend on any temporary conditions but relies on their persistent, holistic image. Such love contrasts conditional love, which exists only as long as the object meets certain conditions. This pure and powerful kind of love happens when we fall in love with ourselves, stop criticizing ourselves and condemn. If we begin to accept ourselves with all the shortcomings and imperfections, with our "dark side" (shadow in archetypal symbolism), then we will learn to unconditionally love and accept not only our infants, but also our partners, and all other people on the planet earth. In general, all living beings in the universe.
At times, people engaged in spiritual practices, reach such a state, but it's not so easy to stay in it and not get into the "rods" of the system and under the negative influence of other people. To be constantly in the state of unconditional love is extremely difficult. All this looks very abstract and unrealistic. But in fact, we can take small steps towards learning how to love and do not wait for the reward. Such love starts with believing in yourself. To love yourself means having no hate towards your own personality or any demands just to meet social standards. That is, to take care of yourself, provide protection, quality food, comprehensive development, positive emotions, healthy body and so on. And how to show unconditional love? Do the same towards the person you love not hoping to get something back. Just do your best to make your partner happy, and it will bring you even more joy.