How to Choose Between Two Women: When Your Heart Rips Apart
Love is one of the most compound feelings that a person can experience. It is illogical, unpredictable and uncontrollable. Everybody knows perfectly well how love should look like in the "classical version." Of course, this is when the two people meet for the first time, fall in love and live happily ever after not cheating on each other. It is a wonderful fairy tale, but unfortunately, more often, everything happens differently.
Can a Man Love Two Women: Psychological Insight
If you hear the question, “Can a man love two women?” the first answer that you want to say is, "No. He cannot." The second question arises logically, "Where do the love triangles come from?"
People are unconsciously afraid of being in the epicenter of such a triangle. Everybody understands the consequences that they will surely face sooner or later: quarrels, loss of trust, breakup. You often see similar situations on TV and in life, trying to analyze the situation, to understand why people find themselves in such triangles, and what they lack in life. What is the reason for being in love with two women?
1. You don’t get everything that you have hoped for. Nowadays, there are quite many men who are trying to love two women. Why is it so? After all, when you start a relationship with a certain person, you are going to live a long and happy life with her and die at the same time. This is an ideal story. The real life is much different from it because you do not get everything that you have expected and hoped for. French psychoanalysts explain such behavior by a desire for monogamy, and a desire to revive the primary connection with the mother.
It is the mother who is an ideal person for her child, his sustenance, and support. There is a special bond between a son and a mother. In the adulthood, men are trying to achieve this kind of attitude to themselves on the part of the partner. However, as a rule, their women do not have this ideal maternal feeling. A man feels constant dissatisfaction, he begins to look for a person who will fill in the gaps of this frustration.
2. You are not happy with the partner. Another reason for your statement, “I love two women” is a partial dissatisfaction with the partner. If you do not feel enough love in the relationship, you start looking for it on the side, if there is not enough attention, you try to get it from someone else. Although, ideally, you should get all that from one person, your partner.
Love for two women does not allow you to be completely sincere with them. Subconsciously, you keep one of the partners at a certain distance. A trusting relationship with another partner does not work too because secrets and half-words do not give the opportunity to get really close.
Can you love two women? Studies have shown that men are more prone to be involved in a love triangle than women. A man can simultaneously love two women. However, this love will be different: he feels passion for one woman, as well as tenderness and childlike affection for another one.
Psychologists are nodding in approval, answering the question, “Can you be in love with two people?” According to their opinion, a man can be in love with two different people, and love them in different ways but equally strong. Sometimes, love for two people shows a great desire to combine all the best qualities in one ideal partner, for example, to take the lips of the first one and add them to the face of the second one. It's not only about appearance but also about personal features. You love a person for something special. It turns out that two beloved people are two parts of the ideal image that is in your subconscious.
3. You just need another partner to live with the first one. The third reason for being in love with two women can be the so-called splitting when a person implements his different desires and needs with different partners. Freud talked about two inclinations of a man, a gentle one (it is in some sense due to attachment to the mother) and a sensual one (its aim is sexual satisfaction.)
These inclinations should merge together and be directed to one partner. However, often they remain divided, and therefore, different people are chosen for their satisfaction. Finally, some couples need a third one, this person helps maintain the relationship. A couple is always (to a certain extent) merging with each other. However, some people experience an unconscious fear of an excessive merger with a loved one, they are terrified of being bound up in the relationship. If both partners have the same fear, they cannot live just together, and they cannot break up.
In this situation, the love for the third one allows you to keep a distance. Let's say you are not too close to your partner because you have a mistress. However, you are not too close to the mistress because there is a partner. Such a story can last for years until one of the lovers gets tired of the uncertainty and does not leave the love triangle.
How to Choose Between Two Women: A Checklist
Almost every man faces a challenge when you don’t know how to choose between two women. Contrary to stereotypes and beliefs, this happens, as a rule, not because of meanness but because of the banal inability to understand yourself, your thoughts and desires. Usually, it is hard for such people to choose between two things.
So, you like two girls. You might be dating one of them, or you might try to live together with both of them. Nevertheless, you understand that it’s a high time to make a decision because it's better to choose one than to lose both.
1. Review your relationships. What do you really want from each of them? Do you want just to have sex and have fun? Or do you dream about a wonderful wedding, her white dress and your honeymoon in Portugal? This is a very important moment when deciding between two women. Your honest answer will tell you what you really want from the girls.
2. Will you benefit from any of them? Whom do you like more? With whom do you have more interesting talks? With whom are you more cheerful? With whom can you experience something new? Answer all these questions before moving on.
3. Take the necessary things. Choosing between two women, you will need the following things. Multicolored pencils. Paper. A mobile phone. The heart. The mind. Positive attitude. A glass of wine.
4. Create a table of two separate columns for each girl. How to decide between two women? When you create a table, highlight in a different color each of the columns. Make up the maximum list of the best, in your opinion, qualities of each girl. The one whose list is longer will be the best option for you, but if you are still not sure, then continue to study this question.
5. Select the features that both women have. Strike them off the list. Now, you see the unique features of each of the women. Take a closer look at these features and choose which ones you like most. The woman with the better individual qualities, most likely, will be a better life partner. If you want, you can make a list of drawbacks. Whose list will be smaller is the best choice.
6. Remember your emotions with each of the women. How to choose between two women you love? When you create a list of their qualities, you look at their weak and strong sides. Now, try to think about the moment when the second girl appeared in your life. What did you feel at that moment? Did you have problems with your partner? Did she make something wrong? And the most important, did your feelings change with a new partner? Think carefully about your decision, do not rush to accept it. Choose the woman with whom you feel most comfortable and happy.
7. Be ready to move on with your choice. If you make a choice, then you might hardly be able to change it if you have made a mistake. Think twice and thoroughly. Do not choose both women, so you'll just get confused. If you still cannot make the decision, choose the woman with whom you have more common interests. The women aren’t the same.
When you go to bed, think about the women and recall some moments that make you smile. What do you feel? Are your emotions the same in both cases? Choose the one about whom you think before you fall asleep smiling. Keep in mind the following things:
- You can hardly date long with both at the same time. When you are insincere with both, you can fail. To play with one keeping another one on the bench will not work. Doing so, you will lose both girls sooner or later.
- When you say, "I cannot live without you," be sure that you are serious about it, otherwise, most likely, she will laugh.
- Anyway, your feelings are much stronger for one of them. Subconsciously, you have already chosen, but you are afraid of change.
- Do not think that things just work out for the best if you let things take their own course and just wait. You can lose both girls, and then you will be unhappy.
Tell the truth or keep silent?
Having decided to keep in the dark about a new love, anyone risks being a participant of a love triangle. Only those who manage to talk to each other discussing their feelings with their partners and talking about sexuality are able to get through this situation. This is not easy, as it is necessary to overcome two thousand years of silence about things that are related to sex. Such a conversation can make partners closer if they are ready to listen to and to try to understand each other. They should be ready to study not only the partner but, first of all, themselves.
Not always, however, the desire to tell the truth leads to positive results. Before the talk, you should ask yourself, "Why do I want to tell her about another woman?" You should understand whether you are motivated only by the desire to understand yourself and your feelings, or there is something else, for example, an unconscious desire to create a competitive relationship between the women. Here, your straightforwardness is unlikely to be appropriate.
In the case when there is no opportunity to talk to a partner that means that there is no chance to analyze the situation together, you have only one way out. You should accept everything and reflect on the fact that you love two women. Try to find the reason.
Many similar stories that are described in books or shown in movies, develop dramatically and include explanations, showdown, tears, and scandals. In real life, there are people who live in a love triangle for many years and do not see any drama in it. If you are really sincere in your feelings, do not blame yourself just because your life path does not match the generally accepted ideal image. Two parallel love stories tell that you are able to love. However, that nothing stays buried forever and, sooner or later, you will have to make the final decision, to get out of your comfort zone and start a new life without one of your beloved women. The main thing is to do that before you end up with nothing.
Choosing Between a Younger and an Older Woman: What to Pay Attention To
Are you choosing between older women and younger? Believe me, this is not the easiest choice. Depending on the age, women look at the world and behave with their men differently. Before making a choice in favor of this or that lady, you need to decide on your own desires and goals. What do you want at this stage of your life? Do you want to have a family, raise children and build a house? Are you tired of hanging out and you need an old good family happiness? Then you need an older lady.
Have you just started to learn the world and you need a companion to make new discoveries in life? Do you want to hang out with your girlfriend and make noisy parties at your place? Or maybe you want to impress the girl with your mature approach to life and show the young person everything that her contemporaries do not even dream about? Then you need a younger lady. You need to know the answers to all these questions in order to avoid mistakes when choosing between older women and younger.
Features of Relationships with a Girl Younger Than You
- Young girls know how to charm. They look great, they have bright, sincere smiles and they look at the world with astonishment. Agree, this is very attractive. But these qualities are inherent in almost all young ladies and behind them, the character of an individual person is always hidden. Before making a choice in favor of a girl younger than you, you should know her better. Perhaps a bright smile and readiness to listen carefully to every word you say are not all that you need.
- It is important for all women that a man always remembers important dates: her birthday, the beginning of your relationship, the birthdays of her close relatives and so on. However, young women pay special attention to this thing. Because of their inexperience, they attach special importance to such trifle, because they think that they are indicative - whether you really love her or not. So listen carefully when she talks about important dates and remember them. And even better - write them down in the diary.
- Choosing a place for a date with a young girl, it is better to choose in favor of a cafe or a cinema. Young girls are very suspicious. If an adult man gives signs of attention to a young lady, she will think that you need only sex. Unfortunately, this can not be avoided. But you can dispel her doubts if you invite her into a crowded place with an unobtrusive atmosphere. This way she will understand that you like her company and you just want to spend time with her. Assign a date in the restaurant, when you already have some relations - a little more than friendly one.
- Talk about what's interesting to her. It is very important for a young woman to be listened to. It shows respect from your side. Even if the topic of conversation seems to you stupid or naive, be tactful and never allow yourself to say rude comments or too arrogant sarcasm. This you will definitely spoil the opinion of yourself once and for all. If you are not ready to be wise and patient gentleman, do not choose between two women - you just need the older one.
Features of Relationships with a Girl Older Than You
- The most important advantage of an older woman is that she is wiser. She can find a way out of those conflicts that would lead to the disintegration of the family with the same age or with a young girl. And this advantage is reflected in the most favorable way in a joint life.
- As a rule, the older women have already taken place in life. If a woman is older than a man for 6 years, most likely, she already has her own income. She has already made a career. This fact eliminates the problem of lack of the money, which often happens in cases when spouses are of the same age and both are just getting on their feet financially. A young husband or a boyfriend, in this case, can easily concentrate on work, having behind him a reliable rear.
- Older women have experience in sex. Therefore, you are unlikely to surprise her with something. The best thing you can do is to learn from her experience and follow her advice. Then you will understand what real sex is, after which you experience such a pleasant physiological and psychological shock that you are ready to live in this moment forever.
Good luck with choosing between two women! Just remember one thing - always listen to your heart.